Carteorfo's Treasure Trove of Snippets, Ideas and Art (Mostly Youjo Senki) (2024)

Date: Mar 8, 2022

A\n:

With Honey And Venom

[War, Angst, During Volume 9, Valentine's Day challenge, 7.6k words]

JULY 22, UNIFIED YEAR 1927, THE CROSS-ILDOA RAILWAY

Every madness has a method to it. Emotions have a logic of their own.

Suppose, someone is a piece of sh*t, without common sense, no self-control, and bad work ethics. Of course, that person would get fired for it. Then the same day in the train station they see an upstanding citizen who was, right on the edge of the yellow line demarcating the safe distance before the tracks. It is logical in the hindsight to find the situation end in homicide.

The feasible solutions would've been to be more aware of your surroundings or hire a taxi. If it was a spur-of-the-moment act that would have been sufficient if it wasn't other measures could be considered.

Another example, someone who is a naive, young father of a newly born daughter. A new situation like that would turn one respectable classmate into someone who has a severe lack of common sense and ability to distinguish between his little girl and, hypothetically speaking, a holder of Silver Wing Assault Badge and Rhine front veteran. Of course, they would go to their classmate to harass them into quitting.

The solution would be to use the same stupidity to make them quit instead.

The same sort, both of them.

Irrational.

All Tanya Degurechaff could do was to adapt and hopefully use those levers to her advantage. As long as she had enough information and resources then anything should be possible.

But how was Tanya supposed to deal with the irrationality of an entire nation that simply couldn't win but could not lose?

Tanya was thinking about it, sitting in her train compartment, after the successful operation to help Romel and the Expedition to pull out from the Southern Continent. The 203rd Mage Battalion entered Ildoa in semi-official capacity and was traveling by train across the entire peninsula to the Empire. Tanya would've lied if she said that she couldn't wait to return. Ildoa, a country untouched by war, the air seemed to be cleaner, the grass greener, and people happier. Tanya had delicious three-course meals and, thanks to the informational security, there were no orders from the General Staff, which meant that Tanya had plenty of spare time.

Tanya had some trouble sleeping. She found it hard to rest without constant gunshots to accompany the night. After futilely listening to the unusually smooth sound of Ildoan tracks, Tanya decided to do something productive. Thankfully, she had the option of not forcing herself to sleep. If she was to stay up for a while, this was the best time for it. After going through the routine, with the sun peeking out from the horizon, Tanya started her day unusually early.

Tanya couldn't check out the common lounge. Possibly representatives of other nations were there too and the Ildoan ally didn't want to show their friendship with Empire too much. They were a little bit shy.

The train they were traveling on must have been the best one in the entire country if not Europe. The Ildoan did good maintenance of their tracks. 'And a good preparedness to move mobilized equipment and personnel,' the voice in the back of her mind supplied. And in the history of her first world didn't Italy join Entente and attack Austria-Hungary? No, they were their dear allies. Tanya shouldn't suspect a foul play like that. Or maybe she should be more active in mapping out Ildoan capabilities.

She stayed in a deluxe room. Sometimes on the front after cleaning the compartments out of any seats to empty the space for heavy loads. Then when it came to transporting people, they put in wooden benches. The current soft couch made with a combination of velvet and leather was cool to touch and a true pleasure to sit on.

Tanya shook her head. She shouldn't waste her energy on a problem she didn't know would happen or not. She had to keep her ear to the ground and look for any potential signs and dutifully report her findings when she returned to Berun.

She put her mind to the table she had in the compartment. Tanya put several newspapers on it she acquired from when she went sightseeing. They were in Imperial, Albish, Federation, and Ildoan languages. For the last two, Tanya also had dictionaries ready. But she probably didn't need them because all of them were extremely similar.

All of them lied.

For example, The Reichszeitung wrote, "A great victory! After achieving all political and strategic goals on the Southern Continent, the Free Francois army was crushed and only colonial dregs remain. A great Commonwealth fleet was destroyed in the Mediterranean Sea. General Romel returns triumphantly! We also defeated an attempted invasion in Southern Francois! Victory is on the horizon!"

The Londinium News said, "A great Victory! Krauts got their asses kicked and are completely destroyed on the Southern Continent! Cowardly enemy general Romel ran away with a tail between his legs. A raid launched in the occupied Southern Francois Continental territory! After inflicting numerous casualties commandos triumphantly return to Londinium! With that, the strategic initiative is coming over to the Allies' side! With the Empire is being bombed to the ground by the valiant efforts of the RAF it is obvious they couldn't continue to afford to fight. Victory is on the horizon!"

And commies wrote something too in their Pravda too, "Great Victory! Comrades! We hold out the Imperial warmongers and start to push them back! The liberation of our Motherland from the enemy is only a matter of time! Trust in the party and great comrade General Secretary Dzhugashvili! Soon there would be no Imperial boots on our land and the red flag would be raised in Berun! Victory will be ours!"

Tanya snorted. Would you look at that? She thought that the war was a zero-sum game, if one won then another lost, but seems that in the brains of propagandists victory was a thing to share.

"Did everyone become commie when I wasn't looking?" Tanya mumbled to herself.

Commie world. What a nightmare.

Tanya sighed at this waste of paper. To cleanse her brain she opened the crossword section. At least she could exercise her language skills a little bit. There was nothing to do before they stopped at the next station.

Now, what was the 3 letter word for a rodent? What is the fine-drawn distinction and delicacy of meaning? Eight letters, diagonal. Next, what was the female in marital relationship? Four letters.

Knock, knock. Tanya went to open the door.

Ah, it was Second Lieutenant, her adjutant Viktoriya Serebryakov. She entered with her both hands preoccupied with a tray with food on it.

"I saw the light from the room, ma'am. You're up early today."

Tanya bent slightly so Viktoriya could move through. Tanya's eyes flicked up, her sight was obstructed by the tray, and her gaze flicked up and down, Viktoriya put the tray on the table and Tanya closed the door.

Tanya looked at the window. The sun was rising illuminating rolling green hills. A land untouched by war.

"Wanted to do a little research," she said.

Tanya yawned and stretched her hands high. Then she received the cup with coffee (no sugar) from the Second Lieutenant.

One whiff of the smell... Ah... Now that's what she needed to start the day. All sleepiness was gone in an instant.

With two hands on the cup, Tanya asked Serebryakov, "What about you? Are you okay from yesterday or would it be today? I thought you would be sleeping it off after drinking all night."

"I am absolutely fine."

"But why? Were the drinks I gave you tomorrow not enough? Weiss also came back to ask for more. Didn't you have any?"

"No, it was so much, we decided to play endurance drinking competition. I won."

...Geez. Tanya made a silent 'oh' sound into the cup. She should remember not to compete in drinking with Serebryakov.

To change the subject Tanya gestured at the map on the table.

"Look at this."

They were going to become experts on the terrain of Western Russy. Serebryakov leaned over the map, fully concentrated on the task at hand. Her eyes became sharp and rapidly moved to look. Then she pored over the newspaper articles.

Serebryakov's hair fell over her face and she absentmindedly tucked it behind her ear with an elegant gesture. Her eyelashes fluttered and her eyes moved rapidly, they would make micro-stops, advance further and halt again.

Tanya couldn't help the small smile creeping up. Start reading from the second word on the left and stop before the last on the right. Let your peripheral vision pick up the slack. Serebryakov's pink lips didn't move to indicate the absence of subvocalization.

Don't read words one by one, but by chunks. Mages could sometimes scan entire pages at once. Well, that would be a little bit too much for casual no-magic occasions. Another consequence is that it takes your full concentration and focus. Tanya could look as much as she wanted without notice.

Humanity truly is wonderful. When she looks concentrated and hardworking she looked beautiful. The trained mind worked hard to grasp and analyze the information. She stopped reading. Her fingers unconsciously touched her lips, her eyes are half-closed and eyelashes fluttered. Her gaze went left into the distance. She must have been thinking hard. It happened in just an instant and she came to the result.

Serebryakov after short thought said, "Was it deliberate? It eliminated the danger of encirclement, shortened the active frontline, and lessened logistics burden."

"It must be that old fox – Zettour's doing."

"You said that you were impressed by his work, ma'am."

Eh, did she? He was pretty good. When he wasn't making Tanya fight in the pocket and pressuring her into treason, that is.

"I am glad that we learned that there is a value in pulling back and consolidating our forces, but... Is it because we shouldn't attack or..."

"Or simply can't?"

Tanya's face twisted like she ate a whole lemon. They sat in silence contemplating the state of the war for a little while before She decided that matters of that scale were certainly above their pay grade.

"Anyway... could you organize us an excursion on the next stop? Ask, uhh... What's his name?"

"Lieutenant Colonel Cesare Ame?"

"Yeah, that one. Can't remember the names of our fixers, especially because Callandro changes them so frequently. Does he think they would flip to us or something? Tell him that we want a little excursion. For sightseeing."

"Understood," Serebryakov saluted and left.

Tanya sipped the drink. Ah, she really loved this woman.

Things on the eastern front were comparatively quiet for the time being. So the biggest question was the situation in the west. Was the impact of bombing really that severe? Why was Empire so inept in defending its industrial centers? When Tanya was on 'vacation' researching Kampfgruppe doctrine and fighting the Albish the majority of battles were happening in Albish territory. And now they're letting islanders bomb as far as Ruhr.

–Wait what? Tanya's mind came to a screeching halt.

Just now... She had a really outrageous thought, didn't she?

About Zettour? About the Albish? No, it was...

"I... love?"

Huh? What was that?

No. Nope. Not happening.

Maybe she should just shrug. Everyone had stray thoughts from time to time. You do feel like punching an unreasonable boss in the face but having self-control you wouldn't do that.

It is fine to lie to others, but lying to yourself is dangerous. Tanya wouldn't do that. If it is just a fluke then there really was no better time for useless things than right now, riding a train across Ildoa, safe in the rear.

Was it mental contamination? It could be. Tanya knew herself quite well and anytime her behavior or thought process deviated from self-developed standards it sent an alarm. She was quite suspicious of any change that could indicate that her mental well-being was under siege. You really couldn't be more careful with the stuff like this. She didn't use cursed orb that frequently anymore but the corruption accumulated, seeping into her mind.

What was next? 'I love God?' Better shoot yourself in the head right then and there.

Tanya didn't want that kind of acute radiation syndrome.

Well, the way to self-diagnose would be to just compare current behavior to the one she had in her previous life. Those experiences didn't make her a better person.

But they did make her.

For example, if he was the sort of guy to just go and confess to the cute classmate, get rejected, and then the rest of the year would be supremely uncomfortable with rumors going around.

Tanya pinched the bridge of her nose.

Or maybe he could start chatting with his senpai only to find that she was already married and then continue flirting hoping for an affair and then...

Ah, for f*ck's sake. Tanya shook her head. Carpe Diem? More like "kill yourself".

These people... Going around, spouting inane ideas, inducing the fear of missing out, pushing to do things because of youth or whatever.

Tanya let out a slow breath. She covered her face with a hand. It didn't matter. It was in another world. That body was just ash scattered to the winds. Nobody knew and there was no need to endure this intense feeling of cringe that she wanted to excise those memories by using a bullet. Unearthing them recklessly like this was a mistake. Sure, the historical trivia was valuable but there were plenty of things she would prefer to get lost when reincarnated.

Water under the bridge, a body under the train.

Alright, Tanya switched gears after obtaining the proof. This certainly would be totally in character to have an incident like this based on previous experience. It wasn't her, who handled programming of human behavior, so it wasn't really anyone's fault.

Tanya nodded to confirm it.

Well, it was someone's fault.

But it didn't really seem to be in that bastard's style. Be fruitful and multiply. Well, there is nothing of the sort that would be going on if it was his influence. If Being X wanted to humiliate him further and teach the "joys of femininity wouldn't he make her crush on Weiss or something?

... There were times when you knew that you let your thoughts wander too much.

Tanya loved Viktoriya Serebryakov.

But what did she actually mean by it? Aren't those words too much, too intense? If hearts could give a detailed analysis she would like to get it as soon as possible.

Greeks knew their stuff about love. They said that there are different types of love:
Agape - love for mankind. It went without saying that Tanya loved mankind and its accomplishments. The problem was exactly that this time it was different.

Eros - lust. Hmm... Oh. At least that answered the question in... graphic fashion. Some things were impossible in her current position but having certain desires was more than enough. 'I am sorry, Viktoriya,' Tanya thought. All men are wolves indeed. Moving on...

Storge - parental love. Maybe it is this. If you think about it Tanya did sometimes catch herself calling 203rd her babies. But Tanya didn't think parents planned to abandon their kids normally.

If a magic button that let her run away, popped right before her out of thin air, what would she do? Undoubtedly, she'd press it.

Maybe she should at least say goodbye as good manners.

Running away together, huh? Tanya wondered how fast would she fragged if she even suggested something like that to anyone in her battalion. Hardship with death and glory as a reward. That's what these beloved fanatics came for to her.

Tanya sighed and looked out at the rolling hills beyond the windows.

Except for Serebryakov who was assigned to her as an adjutant.

Would she be really okay? Now that she thought about it Visha was bloodthirsty for a while. Would she be able to handle that impulses? Serebryakov was the one who wanted to open fire in the Dacian capital without warning and the one who pressed for a counterattack in the Soldim. Wait, even on the Rhine front, she volunteered that one time when she was so tired she looked like a zombie. After the war, what would she do with that anti-social behavior of hers? What if she joins some unsavory types and ends up doing something she would have to flee to Argentina?

The same could be said about the rest of them too. Hard to be a parent.

The next one was philia - brotherly love. Or in this case sisterly love. This one Tanya like was fine with. If she said that she liked Viktoriya Serebryakov... Well, that would've been more manageable.

What was to be done about all of it?

Just having feelings like that meant nothing. You could experience envy when your colleague got a promotion before you but a rational person wouldn't act on those feelings. Nobody smashed the windows of the shops just because they wanted to eat cakes.

Humans were better than that. We developed consciousness to handle those impulses. By the way, if there was a contest between Id, Ego, and Superego, clearly the best one was Superego-chan.

When you hit the slump it is better to relax a little and put your mind to something else. In her first world, he would've gone to the vending machine in the park and sat on the bench, letting himself forget about work if only for a minute. Relaxing on the weekends with a can of beer was fine too.

Tanya went to the bedside table and took out the wine bottle. She hid it thereafter Weiss came asking for more alcohol.

"This one is for someone more special," she told him thinking about gifting it to a superior in the capital or at the Eastern Front.

Tanya wasn't a barbarian to waste such a good wine to drunkards. They were already drunk like pigs so probably wouldn't even appreciate it, just treating it as cheap booze from the seedy bar.

But now there was someone more special this delectable delicacy was to be used on. Tanya poured herself a glass and put the bottle back.

Hmm, that was nice. Tanya made herself comfortable and looked at the landscape while sipping on the wine.

But let's not get too comfortable. In vino veritas, and that was the last thing Tanya wanted. Enough to relax but not so that her tongue got loose.

To decide how to proceed further, Tanya had to remind herself of her priorities. What did she want and need? The easiest way to determine that would be to remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Right now, Tanya's all physiological needs were satisfied. Even when they return to the Empire she probably wouldn't go hungry because of being highly prioritized and also Ugar would help too.

Safety and survival. That was the step Tanya failed to ascend. It was war and she could die in any battle. Mages are sturdy but not invincible. And even then if Tanya didn't keep her shield up she could die from a stray bullet or a fragment.

That clinched the deal. You shouldn't build a house without a stable foundation. Doing nothing was the best way to proceed.

Aristophanes didn't know a thing.

Individuals roamed the earth alone and fell in love for quite low reasons. There was nothing special about this too. By the weight of circ*mstances and by sheer happenstance - it was Viktoriya. But there was no doubt in her mind, that as long as anyone passed the bar of competence, loyalty, spent the same amount of time with her - inputs and outputs–Tanya would have fallen in love.

Actually, wasn't that a little bit unfair? Wasn't Viktoriya too attractive?

Humans are shallow creatures, they can't help but treat those aesthetically pleasing better than those who are not. I have no doubt that if she looked a bit worse, Tanya could manage to not fall in love with her. The Halo effect is really something.

She must be a honey pot, probably designed by Being X himself to ruin Tanya.

Speaking of biases, now Tanya was blaming someone else and avoiding responsibility.

No. As long as Tanya had a crystal clear understanding that everything was her own fault she could keep being able to make sense of the world. That's what personal responsibility meant.

A delayed gratification. If Tanya didn't have steel will and self-control she would have become a drooling vegetable the week she discovered that Type 95 could induce pleasure. After giving up on this feeling it better be something really good.

After arriving at a comfortable decision, like a gear put into place, Tanya relaxed. Just like that, when Tanya leaves and starves the fire, it will go away. Like a cold, as long as she is treated as a disease, it will pass. The best way for everyone.

If a mere-exposure effect is making her feel like this then obviously by reducing exposure you can get to a more enjoyable time.

It is not like it is the first time Tanya was doing it. After getting his exam results back he moved to Tokyo by himself. Three thousand yen ticket away from all the friends who he hasn't ever contacted again and parents he rarely talked to.

One of the best decisions in her lives.

She swished the remains of the wine in the bottle and finished it in one gulp. This time it tasted more bitter for some reason.

Tanya sighed. The feeling stripped of its impulse was easier to handle. There was no functional difference between the person who didn't love and someone who didn't do anything about it.

Therefore, Lieutenant Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff didn't love Second Lieutenant Viktoriya Serebryakov.

***

Serebryakov returned and told Tanya that everything was arranged, and they could go at the next stop.

"Let's wait together," Tanya gestured at the seat opposite of her. She leaned on her hand, and they looked from the window. The Ferdinand destroying hills were replaced with farming fields and buildings. The number of trains on parallel tracks increased too. Theirs started slowing down and stopped at the next station.

Their Ildoan "helpers" helped us to find the nearby market and made themselves scarce. If Tanya didn't try too hard to look for people tailing them it was almost like they were not under constant surveillance.

Ah, well, if you can't eat some pizza without being controlled then that's fine. Which exactly what Tanya and Visha did, in the small open-air cafe, that made their mouths salivate with the aroma of baking crust, melted cheese, and oregano.

Tanya had to reassess her attitude towards Viktoriya. Every action and every word to undergo a rigorous vetting process. For example, the superior asking his female subordinate for lunch for work reasons was fine but... In the first world, after she told him he reassigned them to different departments. In the other similar incident, he had to fire one of them. The female subordinate that is.

What about the current situation? Was it inappropriate? No, it was not. They went to eat potato pancakes that time for example so eating out is normal. Even if Tanya and Viktoriya are a boss and subordinate this is not influenced by bias. This probably simply falls in the 'girls eating sweets together' category.

But let's avoid 'girls go into bathrooms together for some reason' category.

"Now that's what I am talking about. You can't just drive through Ildoa and don't have some of this stuff," Tanya said, biting into the slice.

Visha was devouring the meal.

"You should savor the taste more. Maybe we should have some when we get back too," Tanya told her, licking the cheese off her fingers.

"I will ask for the recipe then."

One time Viktoriya made a strudel for Tanya. It was great. But now it was dangerous to let Viktoriya do things for Tanya thoughtlessly. If Viktoriya continues doing things like that, making dishes for her... No doubt about that, Tanya would fall for her again.

"No need. I can make some."

"I didn't know you could cook."

"I, uh, asked for the recipe earlier. Making pizza is not that hard. I will show you later."

Or never. With the way the war was going would there be any ingredients? Just a hot meal would be more than enough.

"I swear after the war ends I will eat delicious things like this every day," Viktoriya solemnly proclaimed. It sounded even more serious when soldiers take an oath of loyalty to the state.

After the war, huh?

Tanya didn't remember it well but during that incident, they didn't talk about wasn't Serebryakov feeding someone from her plate? Which could be seen as a romantic gesture.

She is already in her twenties. To think that just a little while ago she was an itty-bitty sixteen-year-old, just a high schooler.

Ugh, a bad context to mention that. Let's not go dropping bunnies here.

She is probably putting it to after the war. Tanya didn't know what she wanted to do if she met the lucky bastard–shake his hand or punch him.

If she becomes a housewife she would sit at home all day and do the same thing anyone could do. All the effort Tanya poured into her going to waste just like that.

No.

All Tanya could do is to trust in her own judgment. Serebryakov proved her capabilities again and again and surpassed her expectations every time. She would realize her full potential as a human being and a member of society.

But does she know that? Usually, there is an easy way to assess a person's worth–What is your income?

But Visha...

Tanya frowned. Truthful evaluations were the key to a successful relationship between the boss and subordinate. There was a possibility that Tanya loved Visha earlier so could it be that her judgment was affected? Being biased was an issue. Thinking that you were not susceptible to bias was the first sign of degenerating mind.

So... on a scale from zero to ten how would I evaluate her as an employee? Tanya concentrated to erase Viktoriya the Human from her mind and convert it into the evaluation table, her experiences, qualifications, and competency turned into hard numbers.

As an adjutant and as a wingmate if Tanya just took the last mission the verdict would be ten out of ten.

Looking at the full length of her career starting from their first meeting on the Rhine front she is showing a phenomenal growth curve. If she was an investment portfolio then Tanya would've been the richest in the world.

Nobody is born a pro. Well, excluding anomalies like Tanya. It is inspiring to think what a newbie Visha was and what a splendid human being she has become. And she will only rise and fulfill her potential.

Of course, part of the credit goes to the one who guided her on that journey–her, Tanya Degurechaff. Tanya felt a smug smile creeping up on her face. Hehe~ Good job, Tanya!

Visha came to her as an adjutant and was Second Lieutenant and still was an adjutant and Second Lieutenant. Basically, she had no promotions. Compared to her Tanya, who was physically younger than her, went from Second Lieutenant to Lieutenant Colonel.

One way to solve that would've been to send her to War College, but that would be a little bit... Considering Tanya was warned about no future replacements for her battalion and even if they were, newbies of inferior quality, Tanya didn't want to do that.

Forget it! Only from Tanya's cold, dead hands!

With that path closed, there is only one way to do this.

"Serebryakov. Did I ever tell you how great you are?"

It was to tell her.

"Eh?"

Serebryakov didn't seem happy. She frowned, glanced at her, and then scanned around for something. Tanya patiently waited until she turned her full attention again.

"Did something happen?" Serebryakov asked.

"No. I am telling you that you are smart and capable."

"I don't understand." Now Serebryakov turned her full attention to Tanya. Her frown deepened as she seemed to look her over. "Are you speaking in code? Why are you not using distress keywords? What is freedom?"

"When two and two are four."

Tanya sighed. Was her behavior really that strange that Serebryakov needed to use signal/counter signal? At least she could be calm that no spy was going to fool Serebryakov who was this vigilant. A spy who would've impersonated Tanya... who sure didn't blend in the rest of the soldiers... Maybe Serebryakov was a little bit too overzealous.

"I have to apologize. I think I simply started to take you for granted. Those are my true feelings. I really value you very high."

Tanya made a classic blunder. After recognizing the problem she just went in with the solution guns blazing and overdid it. Tanya said something that Viktoriya found unusual. Maybe she should've waited until Viktoriya did something praiseworthy and attacked at that point? But now there was no going back. She had to double down and try to explain her reasoning.

Tanya put her hand on the place where her Silver Wing Assault Badge would've been pinned, the left side of the chest.

"Everyone wants to be recognized."

Some people are sated simply with getting an award. Some with pointless positions or titles. Respect–such an ephemeral thing people are ready to kill for.

Viktoriya averted her eyes from Tanya's hand and said, "I see."

Really, if Tanya could recommend her to be awarded a bonus payment it would've all been so much easier. Tanya would just make it a habit to praise Viktoriya so that she would never be able to say that her abilities were never noticed.

Was this really enough?

Humans are bound by rules. Some rules that are taught from a young age managed to creep into the very core of your being, becoming internalized self-evident truths. When you break them you feel the punishment from the inside–shame and guilt.

Thankfully, there are ways to lessen the pain. If you know about charity bias when a human donates to a charity they feel that their guilt is assuaged. That's why buying products with 'eco' written on them could be even more harmful to nature. There are more of them sold and produced. That's why corporations can't get enough of 'every cent of X is going to a certain charity' and why fast food places offer salads...

Popes selling indulgences were more honest about this kind of stuff.

Speaking of Italy, in her first life, he went to Soizeriya a lot of times. Cheap and tasty. Trying his hand at replicating the dishes, if she still remembered the way it went, Tanya could call herself somewhat of an expert in Italian cuisine.

They came before the stall with flowers. One of them with yellow leaves caught Tanya's eye and she pointed at it.

"Are those canola flowers?"

"Ah, miss, yes it is. We import it from Albion but it is more of a useless decoration or a meal for cattle."

Albion? Must be nice to still have trade ties with states at war. They would buy everything, and you can drive a hard bargain. The fact that they were at war with your nominal ally was negligible.

What was another name for breaking of trust, contract, or confidence? Eight letters.

States don't have permanent friends or enemies, only permanent interests. It is quite smart of the Ildoa to not join on the Empire's side. Just look around at the bustling market and full shelves to see how good they have it compared to the Empire.

"I will take some," Tanya decided on the spot.

***

After returning to the train and stowing away the bought items Tanya asked to be provided with a kitchen.

"I will arrange everything," Cesare Ame said and quickly disappeared.

"Please make it quick," he said.

In the train kitchen which was emptied of other people by Cesare Ame, Tanya tied her apron and told Viktoriya to watch her actions.

Tanya wasn't paying them anything and yet they were doing her bidding. That was the power vested in her by the Imperial military.

Tanya started washing the canola flowers in the sink and chopping the ingredients.

Anything other than a formal relationship between the superior and subordinate was suspect. Tanya frowned, trying to fish up from the depth of her memory the Equal Opportunities Labor Laws and company guidelines about that, but shook her head. She was neither the type of idiot, who derived their morals from the existing laws nor the one who would try to apply the one out of this world.

Actually, Imperial military regulations that assumed that all female mages were of nobility demanded them to be given 'due respect' but as expected from the 20th century it couldn't be murkier.

Tanya put a metal spoon inside the pot of water and started boiling it.

"Why did you put it?"

"Hmm?" Tanya looked puzzled when Visha pointed at the spoon.

She doesn't know?

Fu-fun~ Tanya smugly smiled at Visha.

"Hee, you don't know?"

Geez, this middle-aged salaryman is showing more feminine charm than you!

Visha pouted and her cheeks adorably puffed out.

"It is to keep water from boiling over."

When working in the first life it was a pain to deal with any situations like that. It was a good time if he could fire the guilty party, it was acceptable when he could reassign them. One time he had to fire the victim which made his blood boil. Not to speak of a violation of the contract between employee and the company. If any of the victims signed the contract that they agreed to be harassed then the HR manager would've liked to be notified beforehand. What if it was blown up into a huge scandal? If his name came up it would damage his career and good reputation.

Tanya put the pasta in the pot.

No, Tanya was a good boss and good bosses didn't behave inappropriately to their subordinates. So, this was a bad idea from the professional angle.

Then she put olive oil, chili pepper, and canola flower on the cooking pan. She mixed them on the low burn, and they started sizzling immediately.

If hypothetically they fell into each other's arms wouldn't that make Viktoriya into a type of person who is not allowed near kindergartens?

Tanya knew that she could pull out a standard small mirror from her chest pocket and the only thing she would see is the face of a child. She could take a pen in her hand. Such a simple thing the pen is, so standard and universal, they are always the same. Just like the ones in her first world. Tanya could remember a bigger hand writing with it.

While Tanya had an old soul Viktoriya wouldn't know that so any feelings different than respect or friendliness would be a character assassination of the highest degree.

She added bacon into the mix. The smell of high quality meet made her mouth salivate. Tanya gulped and licked her lips.

Let's say we wait until Tanya reached the age of majority. Maybe she would count as a childhood friend?

Even then what about the age of Tanya's soul? It would be like a thirty-nine-year-old meeting with a sixteen-year-old, then having a relationship when they are both forty-eight and twenty-five respectively. If in the first life he married and had a child at twenty-three it would've been at that age. Saying that he could've been her father is not a stretch.

Maybe she should just change her name to Genji?

When bacon turned appetite color she took out almost ready pasta and put it all in the pot. A little bit of mixing and it was ready.

After high school, he was invited with all his classmates to the wedding. It was a little bit weird. He never knew that girl has already had that strong relationship with someone. Just the other day we all were studying for college exams and after graduation–boom, an invitation to the wedding. Was it a shotgun wedding, did the girl get pregnant, or something he never knew. Maybe he should have attended at least one class reunion since then just to compare if his decision to focus on his career to lay the better foundation was better. No, it certainly was better, the question was how much better. Eighteen was too early to get shackled.

Haa... Let's leave this up in the air and move on.

"Let me present to you, pasta with canola flowers!"

Ta-dah! Tanya presented the plate. Visha made a little applause.

"I didn't know that you could cook this good," she said. After a heartbeat, she added. "I don't know much about you."

You know enough. I am Lieutenant Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, and your superior officer, Tanya wanted to say.

During high school, there were pair of siblings in his class. They were twins. His classmates said that it was extremely easy, but he couldn't distinguish between them one bit.

The reason was obvious.

"Let's take dishes to the room. Our most respected host is really being nervous about us loitering in the open."

Speaking of hiding their true selves...

Tanya was a girl. At least purely physically. By some unfortunate incidents with unlucky timing, since they shared the same living spaces long ago in the Rhine front when it was Tanya who was only a Second Lieutenant, Serebryakov also was a woman.

While words of a certain green-haired girl that 'girls can't love girls' were decidedly false, what were the chances in this specific instance? Serebryakov being a lesbian was possible, but was it probable? Wasn't the probability like one in a million or something?

Tanya had better chances playing Russian Roulette with five bullets.

No, Tanya corrected herself, Russy Roulette.

There wasn't much to add so she moved on.

Therefore, Tanya Degurechaff shouldn't love Viktoriya Serebryakov.

***

They returned to the room carrying trays with food. Watching Visha enthusiastically eating her food was delightful and Tanya ate some.

After moving to Tanya's room they could finally sit down. Tanya stretched her tired legs and yawned.

"Tired?"

"When I am not using magic I get tired easily. That's fine."

Tanya inhaled the aroma of the dish. Her mouth started salivating, and she remembered little tidbits how on the weekdays he would make something himself to enjoy some me-time. Sometimes he would indulge in a drink too.

"Well, this one actually goes well with the wine," Tanya murmured. "Or so I was told," Tanya quickly added after noticing that Visha's spoon stopped.

Visha turned to rummage at her bedside. Tanya looked on with an unmoving face.

"Ma'am, where is that bottle you said you were going to present to Zettour?"

Tanya frowned and quickly glanced at her bedside table. Visha darted there and took out the bottle.

"Who drank it?"

"Yes, it was me. I did it." Tanya narrowed her eyes and stood up straight. What was she going to do about it?

Visha became shy and clutched the bottle.

"Yesterday you said that you didn't drink. But if you do, then... Could we do it together?"

Visha, dear, are you seeking any opportunity to get drunk? Are you don't have some kind of problem? Tanya suspiciously narrowed her gaze at her. Did they need a little bit of Prohibition in the battalion?

If the war ended and in a few years they could gather in one of the Berun's bars and have a grand time.

If the circ*mstances were a little bit different... Tanya imagined an expensive Japanese restaurant and all of 203rd there. Like one of those corporate get-togethers but actually fun. Some good sake and grilled meat.

Tanya bitterly smiled.

Maybe in another world.

Tanya should stop daydreaming.

Tanya created an image she projected outward, the respect she got was deserved by the effort she put into achieving it. Tanya didn't want to risk disgracing herself by showing her unsightly points. She didn't have any illusions on this body's ability of handling alcohol.

But right now it was just Viktoriya here. Why actually not? If it was her who offered then there was no problem at all. In his first world, some partners claimed that they couldn't trust their partners until they had a drink because of their culture. The boss would round up people in the office who looked respectable and handled their drink well to the expensive restaurants to make the boss look good by association. She just wanted to reinforce their ties by sharing a drink.

And Prohibition didn't work anyway.

"Sure."

Viktoriya took out a book and started reading it. She was concentrated on it so Tanya bend her neck to see what was the title on the cover.

Divine Comedy.

Tanya asked what was the ninth circle of hell. Seven letters.

"Cocytus," Viktoriya said. "A frozen lake where sinners are buried in ice," she said. "What is your favorite circle of hell?" she asked showing me the map.

What a great question. If it's not horoscopes or blood types then it is circles of hell? Why do you assume that Tanya would go to hell in the first place?.

"What did they do to deserve such punishment? Give me a quick rundown on hell."

"Betrayal."

Tanya's breath hitched. With all her being she felt that was the place where she belonged. Between her chest and throat, a mass appeared that begun to choke her.

Tanya pointed at the Third Circle of Hell where gluttons were punished and said, "Look, this one must be yours."

Tanya looked out of the window deep in her thought and only Visha made noise rustling pages from her book.

The sun was setting and the room was bathed in orange glow. Tanya yawned. Her head lowered. She was nodding off and her eyes were closing.

Tanya's head drooped lower and lower. Her body bent, slumped and her head fell on something warm. Ah, it was Visha's shoulder. Tanya's body shook a little alongside with the movement of the train. In total darkness under her eyelids she perceived the pink of the evenings sun's light.

She felt Visha's breath on her hair. Visha shifted and Tanya's body slipped from its precarious equilibrium. Visha's hands firmly grasped her shoulders. Visha gently let her down. Tanya thought that Visha would simply put her head on the couch and leave but instead...

Tanya's head was laid on something soft. Under the texture of military fabric Tanya could feel radiating warmth. With her ear pressed to it she could even hear heartbeat. Visha was giving him lap pillow.

If this was out of her sense of duty or innate kindness, it didn't matter. In the end everything was going to end the same way. Tanya would never give nor reciprocate.

Could your love worth less, Tanya Degurechaff?

Well, probably, the fact that Tanya could calmly evaluate and assign values to her own life and her supposed beloved's and come on top, only served to prove there were no such feelings in the first place.

An answer to a question nobody asked.

Tanya felt a chill down her spine like a harsh winter wind invaded their room and stripped her of any warmth. She felt coldness creeping up her legs like she was standing in the center of the frozen lake and was slowly going under. Perhaps it was a fitting punishment for the likes of her, to spend eternity alone never feeling the warmth of human connection.

A hand landing on her head dispelled the illusion.

Her head was tingling like she was using one of those head massagers, waves of pleasure cascading down from the top of her head. Tanya made a deep content sigh.

Her consciousness registered soft gentle caresses on her head and a quiet voice.

"You are doing a great job, Tanya."

Undeserved praise stung like acid but the hand lightly stroking her hair felt like heaven. The beating of her heart gradually died down and gloom in it was washed away.

Tanya still maintains that saving herself is a priority.

It is just... would've been nice to have all the cakes in the world and eat them too. If she had that magic button maybe she wouldn't press it right away.

Tanya's thoughts jumbled up tangling into separate threads and sinking into nothingness.

"You saved me. And for that..."

Maybe Tanya should just shake off that hand and tell her to leave.

Tanya kept her eyes closed instead.

Tanya wondered what were the thirteen letters for fear of losing someone you loved.

Things snapped together like pieces in a puzzle.

Being X took away everything. The entire world ripped from him and he promised future tortures. He said that it is pain and hardships that would befall her and make her a believer. What would happen if Being X knew that there was someone important?

It was starkly clear how all of this would go. The war would go worse and worse. Being X would put Visha in danger, Tanya would use Type 95 the last time and her soul would die. Even if Tanya managed to save her without using the cursed relic, the same scenario would repeat again and again.

Some day just like in airless classrooms or hot office rooms, one day those feelings would die like unwatered plants. I would gently caress its frail dry leaves.

But if Tanya left, very, very far away, with an entire ocean between them, then Visha would be safe and with a chance for happiness.

Therefore, Tanya couldn't love Visha.

"Thank you."